You know.

Life is gunna kill you.

I try so hard to write things like I used to. I can't tell you how many blogs I've begun writing and then deleted because I thought they were just so pointless.
I have started to second-guess myself a lot and I've become more conscious of the things I do and always end up thinking about how lame they all are.

I'm coming to terms with getting older and I think there must be a point where everyone realises how fragile they are.
I used to be invincible. I used to be all these things that I am scared of now. Sometimes I wonder if we all just continually evolve into new people and eventually forget the old people we were.
Forgetting is worse than making mistakes. Forgetting is like pretending it never happened, like denying evidence. Forgetting means you never really 'evolve' and you never really learn who you should be.

I get so scared that I hate myself. I force myself into a corner and I impose restrictions and I never DO anything because anything new is terrifying and it's not fair.

I figured out what growing up is... it's learning to be scared. The more scared you are, the less you rebel, the less you rebel the easier you are to fit into a category and the machine keeps working.
I really don't want to grow up. I really don't want to be anyone's idea of compliance. But how do you stop it? I'm scared of being scared.
I don't even know when it happened.

It's never going out to drink and have fun anymore, it's working out transport and worrying about cleaning up and hangovers. I used to laugh at people like me.

I need to let go of it all and I need to not care. And things need to go wrong.
And things will seem more perfect than ever.

I still feel lame.

Love, Morgs.