I know I shouldn't be wallowing in self pity but I am just a little bit upset that my birthday is 3 days away and I'm sick enough that I should be home all week recovering...
However, I cannot stay home and be idle, I have to drag myself into TAFE because there is an event to be run! Not that that's a bad thing, it just sucks I'm sick.
Tomorrow night is Have Heart, yes, that's right and there is a chance that I might not even make it there (I'm still hoping with all my might that I do!!)
I have been working quite hard lately and I don't know if I love it or hate it.
I've been thinking and thinking that maybe it's time I found a different direction in life but I don't know where I want to go and I kind of want the luxury of time to finally decide.
I just feel quite run down and unsure of why I get up to go to class every day, I'm hoping a reason comes up that either affirms my need for a change or makes me want to stay in TAFE until the year is out.
Love,
Morgs
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
We've learned nothing, and my body still aches
You know, I think it's a problem when I spend my good times worried about what bad times are ahead of me.
Since when has good been the time between the bad, shouldn't it always be the other way around?
And why do we always expect the worst, is it because life is supposedly not meant to be easy? Maybe life is the easiest thing there is; we have no choice but to be alive and if we have no choice how can anything thereafter be difficult about an existence that was forced upon us?
Since when has good been the time between the bad, shouldn't it always be the other way around?
And why do we always expect the worst, is it because life is supposedly not meant to be easy? Maybe life is the easiest thing there is; we have no choice but to be alive and if we have no choice how can anything thereafter be difficult about an existence that was forced upon us?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?
Catching the train to Ultimo every day depresses me so much; everyone looks so unhappy and because of the cold everyone is sick and worn down.
People sacrifice a lot to live a life that is supposedly 'full' and my brain keeps trying to tell me that needing a planner for my social life is so wrong.
When I was younger up until fairly recently, I always thought that when I turned 18 I would miraculously become an adult and think like an adult and understand responsibility, obviously that never happened, but I learnt that even 'adults' are just as clueless as teenagers and it all seems like some weird game of 'shops' but instead of it being a game it's real life.
The thing about growing up is, it's not 'growing up', it's learning how to fear things and that fear keeps us in check and makes us take on all of life's responsibilities. When I was younger I used to hate things but as I've gotten older I've traded that hate for fear and I've learnt to not take a situation based on what it is, but rather, based on it's consequences and I believe it's the fear of consequences that keep me in line.
There's so much more I want to do before I end up dissolving into the giant face of society and there's so much I regret not doing. I don't want to be another person on any street in the world who spends their time going to and from work and scheduling dates to go out to dinner with friends and earning money to pay the bills for my house in an average suburb with a community centre and a few shops down the road.
People sacrifice a lot to live a life that is supposedly 'full' and my brain keeps trying to tell me that needing a planner for my social life is so wrong.
When I was younger up until fairly recently, I always thought that when I turned 18 I would miraculously become an adult and think like an adult and understand responsibility, obviously that never happened, but I learnt that even 'adults' are just as clueless as teenagers and it all seems like some weird game of 'shops' but instead of it being a game it's real life.
The thing about growing up is, it's not 'growing up', it's learning how to fear things and that fear keeps us in check and makes us take on all of life's responsibilities. When I was younger I used to hate things but as I've gotten older I've traded that hate for fear and I've learnt to not take a situation based on what it is, but rather, based on it's consequences and I believe it's the fear of consequences that keep me in line.
There's so much more I want to do before I end up dissolving into the giant face of society and there's so much I regret not doing. I don't want to be another person on any street in the world who spends their time going to and from work and scheduling dates to go out to dinner with friends and earning money to pay the bills for my house in an average suburb with a community centre and a few shops down the road.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My, my, my, I'm so happy.
This is pretty much a waste of imaginary space seeing as I don't write like I used to, it's a bit of a weird twist of fate that when I become completely happy with things I find that I can't write about anything at all.
I dug out some cds to play tonight, I love actually playing a cd and I love that I get to hear the whole album and the pauses between tracks and the noise it makes when the cd finishes. I love that it's tactile and I can read the cd liner notes.
There's so many cds I want to buy as of recently and I was going to write them down before I had a massive mental blank, like always when it comes to cds.
I need to learn to compartmentalise things a little bit better, and I need to start allocating times for things, it's getting hard to find time to spend with friends, and it shouldn't be that way and I always say that I'm going to eat healthier and spend time going for walks or runs and I never do.
Life should come with a planner!
I hate growing up.
Love, Morgs.
I dug out some cds to play tonight, I love actually playing a cd and I love that I get to hear the whole album and the pauses between tracks and the noise it makes when the cd finishes. I love that it's tactile and I can read the cd liner notes.
There's so many cds I want to buy as of recently and I was going to write them down before I had a massive mental blank, like always when it comes to cds.
I need to learn to compartmentalise things a little bit better, and I need to start allocating times for things, it's getting hard to find time to spend with friends, and it shouldn't be that way and I always say that I'm going to eat healthier and spend time going for walks or runs and I never do.
Life should come with a planner!
I hate growing up.
Love, Morgs.
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