Summer 2009 and Beyond

To Do - Updated 4/1/10
- Purchase hammock and practice the art of swinging in one
- Buy a beginners book for a new language
- Buy more science fiction novels to read
- Learn an instrument
- Learn to cook three amazing Vegetarian dishes
- Spend a day in some else's shoes
- GET A JOB (work hard)
- Swim once a day during the warm months
- Put on local music events with Stono
- Start up some kind of physical activity-type hobby
- Think of more 'To Do's'
- Start being more organised
- Drink more water
- Eat things other than junk food!
- GET A FUCKING JOB
- Take photos
- Do some volunteer work

It's so funny how you think you know what lesson you're meant to learn and you end up finding out something completely different.

That makes life interesting.

Dammit all, I am just sad

Everything's staying as fucked up because all that I used to have burned out in a jar like a lightning bug.

If I wasn't getting out of there in 8 weeks I think I might just run away.

I want things to go back to how they were.
I want friends again.
I want time.
I want to be more sincere.
I want to do good things and not hate so much.

Mostly I just want back the people I love so much.

Want.

I just want a purpose and I just want there to be something I love doing.

I feel so lost.

Guess what?

I have just learnt that society doesn't care what you know, it cares how you look.
There are cunts out there giving chances out to people who look a certain way and act a certain way and they couldn't give two fucks about qualifications or substance.

It's not fair that I won't get a look in when it comes to things because of how I look. If I were more attractive and I acted in a different way (I don't know, maybe like a complete air-head) then people would be lining up to hear my ideas, no matter how batshit crazy or downright retarded they were.

It doesn't take skill to be able to know what's 'in', it takes skill to be ORIGINAL and come up with actual ways to implement ideas.

Fuck all those jerks who can't see past the external and give more people more chances to reach their potential.

There really are a lot of people that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

EDIT: Then again, maybe I'm just jealous that I can't be that image.

Yeah.

I can't even think anymore.

I got so many problems, and they weigh on my mind

Life is too short to be fucked around by 'friends' and I don't like that some of the people who really used to be my friends are now those shitty, useless 'friends' that are just baggage we all carry around and feel shit about.

I refuse to make any more attempts at friendships with people who aren't worth it and, to be honest, anyone who thinks that's terrible of me, can go and get fucked.

I want my friends to be the ones who I hang out with, have good times with and know I can count on for a night out and a laugh. And, most importantly, I want friends who care enough to accept me for me.

Fuck the rest.

Love always(for those who matter), Morgs.

Because I like Stono.

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag friends.

1. Please Kill Me - Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain.
2. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
3. 1984 - George Orwell.
4. Ape and Essence - Aldous Huxley.
5. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley.
6. Dracula - Bram Stoker.
7. A Space Odyssey Series - Arthur C. Clarke.
8. Harry Potter Series - J. K. Rowling.
9. Macbeth - Shakespeare.
10. Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder.
11. Burning For Revenge - John Marsden (I know, it's one of a whole series).
12. The Day of the Triffids - John Wyndham.
13. The Kraken Wakes - John Wyndham.
14. Down and Out in Paris and London - George Orwell.
15. It Zwibble, the Star-Touched Dinosaur - Tom Ross, Lisa Werenko, Clifford Ross.

I tag anyone who wants to do it haha.

Love, Morgs.

Not much.

Just things.

I spent so much time trying to be a 'good' person that I was inadvertently causing more bad than I would if I didn't care.

I have trouble stopping myself from thinking some days and it makes me crazy but despite all of that I still can't sit down and write something that is remotely worthwhile.

I think creativity directly relates to the amount of sadness in your life. That must be a nasty trick of nature.

When the warm nights come back I'm going to stargaze from my front lawn and make sure to sleep with my windows open.

I alternate between complete apathy and insane emotional states and I don't know if that's me being a crazy person or just normality and I guess I don't mind but sometimes it would be nice to have more of a control over what I outwardly express. I know, it's a bit of a cop out.

I like being busy and I hate it maybe even more. Having some trivial task to do makes me feel like I have purpose but I think that maybe purpose should exist solely in existence.

I think I'd like a plant for my room because apparently plants are good to have around but it would make me really sad if it died.

I don't think I'm very reliable but I am almost always on time.

Love, Morgs.

Always on fire.

I find it odd how a goal so simple can, at the same time, be such a difficult thing to achieve;

All I want is to be happy and love what I do.

And maybe, I want people to love what I do too.

Love, Morgs.

Run for your lives

Today was beautiful, I can't wait for the real spring!
Tonight/early tomorrow morning is Lightcasting Day, for anyone who knows what that is, where you're meant to envision all these wonderful things for yourself and light a candle and meditate on it so that you can hope to achieve good things in the coming month, I believe it coincides with the new moon... or something to that effect.

Tomorrow I have a day full of TAFE and I just hope it goes nicely.

I'm still reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstien and I very much hope to finish it before school work weighs me down.

Curse at 27 are wonderful.

Also, I've been reading about alchemy and the philosopher's stone, so interesting.

This is all just a lot of words and not much else.

Love, Morgs

P.S

I won't let this shit beat me, and I know it's wrong to use anger as a motivation but I'd like to be able to say 'Fuck You!' and ride off into the sunset.

So I will.


Love,
Morgs.

I think..

Spontaneity makes the world a better place.






Love,
Morgs.

I just want back in your head.

I need to remember how to be an individual. I seem to have forgotten how to function without all the other people around.

I sorely wish I had friends at TAFE because every day I dread going. I'm going to learn to isolate myself and make the most of what's in front of me. I never really thought I'd be lost in this respect but I am and it is awful.

Maybe I'm a bad person but I'm learning that being a door-mat is even worse.

Love always,
Morgan.

I think you're crazy.

I think I'M crazy.

I think, maybe, for some bizarre and convoluted reason, I want to get into theming and design for events, as in, I want to design a place for an event, I don't want to be stuck down with all the charts and timelines.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I want to see what comes my way but maybe I've found something I'm really, genuinely interested in like I used to be in the management side of events.

Or maybe I'm just being silly, I'm too fickle.


I don't knowwwwwwwwww.

Love, Morgs.

Somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool.

I MISS SUMMER!

I said it. Something about today has just sent me into a severe summer craving... Maybe it was speaking to Betty about Summer '08 and maybe it was the lovely sunshine and breeze today.
I miss it so much.
I miss chucking on any old singlet and a pair of shorts and wandering to where ever I needed to get to.
I hate how people bustle about in winter.
I miss being able to fit so much more in because the sun doesn't sink until around 8 at night.
I miss the awesome summer-time parties.
I miss flowy clothes.
I miss beach days.
I miss great summer fruit.
I miss being able to laze around because 'it's too hot' to do anything at all.

BOOOOO.

COME BACK SUMMER PLZ.

Love, Morgs.

From the dead

Hello interwebz,
I feel like I've been doing a bit of sleep-walking lately, I've been busy but the kind of busy where you just want a break and want to be able to be you for a little bit.

I've been pretty much living at Jack's since last Tuesday but I'm heading back home on Wednesday. I liked it, it was like a mini-holiday and it was a lot cheaper than a real holiday.

Also, I am quite unwell, some menacing cough is making my days (and nights) awful. It sets off my asthma and it scares me a bit when there's not much I can do to stop myself from coughing so much.

My little sister will be 15 on Friday! I can't believe it... and I can't believe how old I am now! I'm so excited for her, I loved being 15 and 16.

I'm on TAFE holidays and I'm so happy, I plan to make the most of this break because I know next Semester will be even worse than this one was.

I don't have all that much else to say except that I miss having time to think about things that busy people dismiss as 'unimportant' and I miss having time to just hang out with friends and I miss having time to read for hours and hours.

Love, Morgs.

Raindrops on Roses

Well then,
It really does feel like winter now with all the beanies, coats and scarves. Traveling to the city is a bit of a health hazard what with all the sneezing and coughs that are about... but, if the sickness and grossness is discounted, I quite like winter (I am horrified to actually be typing this).
I love wintery clothes and all the lovely woolen things you can wear out and about, I even feel like I want to wear skirts more because I can wear stockings (and cute ones, at that) with them.

But, that said, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to wool and I get sick so easily so winter is a bit of a danger to me.

I am eyeball deep in an assignment and it sucks terribly, I'm worried I won't finish, but apparently I'm not worried enough because, really, I'd be trying to finish it rather than blogging.

I am suffering a Chai Tea overdose and a very concerning adoration for my Cotton On dressing gown.

I hope it rains a bit more tonight!

Love, Morgs.

Who said we matter?

This is a picture of a NASA space shuttle in solar transit.
Pretty amazing huh?

Lessons.

I'm learning that prejudice and hate and racisim and intolerance and cruelty comes from scared people, not bad people.

I drink to remember them all.

Well then, I got lazy and gave up on blogging in true Morgan-style, however I have returned (when I should be doing school work).
I am now 19 which, to be honest, feels like a mass fail in itself but I had a great day. I was a bit sick still though.
I saw Have Heart on the 28th and it was the most amazing thing I've probably ever seen. They are such an inspiring band and I left feeling like what I am doing in life is nothing compared to them. I think it takes incredibly strong character to persevere in any aspect of life and never take 'no' for an answer.
I didn't get to 'celebrate' my birthday on the actual day so I used to long weekend to make up for it and I feel I did quite well in all honesty.

Last Wednesday I got to go to Stono's birthday dinner at Govinda's which is the best place in the entire world! I got to watch Milk afterward and I know I'm late to the party, but ZOMG so great, it was brilliant and it was the perfect mix of entertainment and inspiration.

I have decided one of my coolest possessions is a Spongebob jaffle maker and I have to wonder how long I can like these things before it turns into me liking them because they're 'kitsch'... but really I'd only just say I was being kitsch in liking them, secretly I enjoy them for what they are.

I'm having an issue which I am sure is something like a mid-life crisis but is instead more of an end-of-being-a-teenager crisis and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and it feels like things are worthless and I sit back and ask why I can't be doing something that changes peoples' lives.

Anyways, I should really be doing some school work (I won't actually go and do it, I can't lie), there are sites to be inspected and bids to be written up.

Love, Morgs.

Blood is compulsory- they're all blood, you see?

I know I shouldn't be wallowing in self pity but I am just a little bit upset that my birthday is 3 days away and I'm sick enough that I should be home all week recovering...
However, I cannot stay home and be idle, I have to drag myself into TAFE because there is an event to be run! Not that that's a bad thing, it just sucks I'm sick.

Tomorrow night is Have Heart, yes, that's right and there is a chance that I might not even make it there (I'm still hoping with all my might that I do!!)

I have been working quite hard lately and I don't know if I love it or hate it.
I've been thinking and thinking that maybe it's time I found a different direction in life but I don't know where I want to go and I kind of want the luxury of time to finally decide.

I just feel quite run down and unsure of why I get up to go to class every day, I'm hoping a reason comes up that either affirms my need for a change or makes me want to stay in TAFE until the year is out.

Love,
Morgs

We've learned nothing, and my body still aches

You know, I think it's a problem when I spend my good times worried about what bad times are ahead of me.

Since when has good been the time between the bad, shouldn't it always be the other way around?

And why do we always expect the worst, is it because life is supposedly not meant to be easy? Maybe life is the easiest thing there is; we have no choice but to be alive and if we have no choice how can anything thereafter be difficult about an existence that was forced upon us?

Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?

Catching the train to Ultimo every day depresses me so much; everyone looks so unhappy and because of the cold everyone is sick and worn down.

People sacrifice a lot to live a life that is supposedly 'full' and my brain keeps trying to tell me that needing a planner for my social life is so wrong.

When I was younger up until fairly recently, I always thought that when I turned 18 I would miraculously become an adult and think like an adult and understand responsibility, obviously that never happened, but I learnt that even 'adults' are just as clueless as teenagers and it all seems like some weird game of 'shops' but instead of it being a game it's real life.

The thing about growing up is, it's not 'growing up', it's learning how to fear things and that fear keeps us in check and makes us take on all of life's responsibilities. When I was younger I used to hate things but as I've gotten older I've traded that hate for fear and I've learnt to not take a situation based on what it is, but rather, based on it's consequences and I believe it's the fear of consequences that keep me in line.

There's so much more I want to do before I end up dissolving into the giant face of society and there's so much I regret not doing. I don't want to be another person on any street in the world who spends their time going to and from work and scheduling dates to go out to dinner with friends and earning money to pay the bills for my house in an average suburb with a community centre and a few shops down the road.

My, my, my, I'm so happy.

This is pretty much a waste of imaginary space seeing as I don't write like I used to, it's a bit of a weird twist of fate that when I become completely happy with things I find that I can't write about anything at all.

I dug out some cds to play tonight, I love actually playing a cd and I love that I get to hear the whole album and the pauses between tracks and the noise it makes when the cd finishes. I love that it's tactile and I can read the cd liner notes.

There's so many cds I want to buy as of recently and I was going to write them down before I had a massive mental blank, like always when it comes to cds.

I need to learn to compartmentalise things a little bit better, and I need to start allocating times for things, it's getting hard to find time to spend with friends, and it shouldn't be that way and I always say that I'm going to eat healthier and spend time going for walks or runs and I never do.

Life should come with a planner!
I hate growing up.


Love, Morgs.